so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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