Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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