his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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