Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
