So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
