Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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