Small penises have feelings too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
