Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
