If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
why is half of my head shaved?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
