she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
