i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
