i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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