shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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