Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
