Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
