wakey wakey hands off snakey
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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