it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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