respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
