Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
4 words: hood of his car
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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