remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
