I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
