Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
someone owes me an orgasm
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
