saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
