1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
