Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
