My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
