I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
