Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
