All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
