I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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