i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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