i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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