Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
