the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
