omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Still dying that you shit outside
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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