Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk is a universal language darling
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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