i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
