just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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