You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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