Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
