I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
