How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
