my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Actions speak louder than pants.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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