I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
