you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
