Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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