he fucked my hip out of place.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
