In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
