Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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