he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
