It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't deserve a penis
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
