I love black thongs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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